Hidden Treasure – A Deeper Understanding

I would like to give a little of my background. Although I am nameless and have adopted the pseudonym ‘fellow traveller’ I am a real person who has endeavoured to remain anonymous for my own personal reasons.  Everyone has a story to tell. All of our stories, I believe,  are extremely important to God. Perhaps I could never have written the articles on this website if my life hadn’t followed a certain course. Some of my background may seem irrelevant and yet it may be significant.

I was a post WW2 baby. My father had enlisted to serve his country and was stationed in Singapore when it fell to the Japanese in 1942. Anyone who has read or seen documentaries about that time will realize what a devastating period of history that was. To the thousands of serviceman who were told to lay down their arms, it was a personal humiliation that was to develop into a living nightmare over the next 3 years. One third of these men were to die of starvation, disease and brutality. They were mostly young in the prime of their lives. My father, who was then 40, had put his age down so that he could enlist. So he was not a young man. He suffered like all of the others but was able to survive. His love for his small family kept him going.

I was born the year after Dad came home. Through his diary, which was found after he had passed away it appears that he had reached out to God through that time. We were not a religious family but we were close. I was loved by both my parents. I can remember my father taught me the value of ‘mate-ship’. Something that he had learnt as a necessity in the camps. Some books allude to the fact that the sufferings of those men in some ways affected their descendants. (“The Railway Man” by Eric Lomax p.257) Whether or not this is true I don’t know but it is mentioned in more than one book. I know I have always been a quiet, shy personality. I would probably be less than truthful if I said I didn’t sometimes struggle with deep down anger and bitterness. Perhaps the experiences of our fathers are passed onto us.

Ever since I was a young boy I always had an interest in ‘religion’. There was an old battered Bible in our home and I can remember making attempts to read it. There was always an inner need which needed filling. Sadness and doubt about many things seemed to be my forte.

In spite of my inner doubts I launched myself into the business of life, working and becoming a tradesman. I liked to follow many pursuits and felt satisfaction in ‘proving myself’ and pushing myself to accomplish things. I have always wanted to be doing things. Perhaps I was covering up an inner emptiness by being busy.

It was in my early twenties that God took a hand in my life. I can remember one unusual occurrence. I was working in a mining town and had gone off to a night at the movies. It was in the interval between the features when I was standing in the foyer with friends and a lot of people milling around. Suddenly, amongst all the talk and chatter, I had a feeling of utter emptiness and loneliness. It was quite overpowering and frightening. I remember it clearly to this day. I believe now that God was showing me clearly then, that without Him we are just empty vessels. I wish I could say that that was the first and last time that I ever felt such loneliness and emptiness but unfortunately that is not the case. God has his way of teaching us and it is not always a pleasant experience.   In the New Testament we are told, “For In him we live, and move, and have our being;” Acts 17:28 That has ever been the case and God was, and still is,  reminding me forcefully that my life has to be centred in Him. I was about to make life changing decisions.

It was about that time that I began to read and to reach out for something. I read a book by a Christian author. In the book, God was presented as being the answer to life’s problems. I made a decision for God at that time and began to read the Bible. I believe God was working  in my life although I still had no real direction.

At about the same time I began seeing posters up around this mining town where I was working, advertising meetings about Bible prophecy. I was interested and made a point of attending. I took along one or two of my mates who quickly lost interest when the talk became spiritual or personal. For me it was a different story. I was totally absorbed with what was being presented. For the first time I was understanding what the Bible and the history of this world was all about. The meetings dealt with the story of Jesus and the prophecies of Daniel and Revelation. There was at least one other fellow from the mines who attended these meetings who was as enraptured as I was. He was an educated and very nice chap and went on to become a pastor of the SDA church. I, with others was baptized into the Seventh-day Adventist church. It was suggested to me that I go to college to do further studies. However I did not feel impressed to do this. I had lost my very good job with the company because I had told them I would not be working any more on a Saturday which had been presented very convincingly as being the true Sabbath. I saw working on the Sabbath as being no different to breaking any of the other commandments. That seemed to be how it was presented at the meetings run by the evangelist. I think even the pastor who was giving me Bible studies was a bit surprised and perhaps even concerned when I told him I had lost my job because of my conviction.

I left that mining town and went back to my home town and family. They were happy to see me back but obviously concerned that I was now a ‘different’ person and a member of what they probably considered a sect. My old friends fell away. They were not sure about this person that they knew who had suddenly become ‘religious’.

Life moved on fairly rapidly from that point. I met a girl in the church and we found we had many things in common. We fell in love and were married within a year of my baptism. We have always viewed spiritual things with mutual understanding. There was a lot that happened from that point on. We both held different church office roles. We had a family. I tended to be very regimented in my faith. I believed this ‘truth’ so dearly and was surprised that others in the church did not seem to have the same conviction. I read the Bible constantly and studied practically all of the  books and many volumes on church history. I believed I had a genuine, growing faith. But I was also struggling in many ways. Looking back, I consider myself then as a legalist and a Pharisee. I was demanding on myself and those around me. This led to alienation and hurtfullness with some of my children. When one sees ‘the truth’ so clearly, we are confused when others do not see it in exactly the same way. God had many things to teach me about tolerance and real unconditional love. I think I have always been stubborn and a slow learner.

As Christians we all look forward to the return of our Saviour to this earth. We are always looking for genuine faith, genuine revival and a genuine moving of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes we get glimpses of these things happening at prayer meetings and cottage meetings. So when there are a series of meetings begun in a church that seem to reflect these values, we who are looking for something deeper tend to sit up and take notice. When there are lives being changed there is something more there than emotion and human excitement. Unfortunately not everyone will see it that way. That was the case with my family and a small group of people whom we were involved with. In our eyes, never before had we experienced such victory, such joy, such closeness with the Lord. This was the result of a simple series of meetings in our local church. The main theme of the meetings was surrender. Many of us saw this as genuine spiritual revival, as lives were being changed and people were growing into a deeper relationship with the Lord. There was deep, meaningful prayer and a love and closeness that we had never before experienced in the church. There were statements made with reference to the condition of the church and its people. These statements were made with a total conviction that God was leading.  To cut a long story short, the church took, what they saw as the only proper recourse and dis-fellowshipped us. They saw this small movement as being “dangerous”.

I had always tried to be a faithful church member and tried to do my best in church office. So needless to say this came as quite a shock to myself and my wife. Our children, who were still young at the time, were, at the least confused, or at the most, prejudiced against religion. To what degree this was my fault or the fault of the church and its teachings rests with God. Being bought up in a law dominated home, my children, like many others, have had to contend with fear and doubt. This is the end result of a law dominated theology. Our journey back to the glorious gospel of freedom is not without enormous struggles. But the rewards of following that pathway are immense. “For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.” Rom.8:2  Our choices do have a very real effect on those closest and dearest to us. I believe we do have a responsibility for those around us. If God has taught us anything it is this, that He wants us to have a burden for and take responsibility for those closest to us.

Our dis-fellowship led me down a pathway of spiritual devastation and helplessness. My life partner, while being extremely hurt by what had happened, had a more simple and lasting faith than I had. While I could easily have walked away from God, she has always been consistent in her faith.

I took the easiest path. Although I still believed in God, I was bitter and angry  and purposed to walk away from Him as I felt I was a total failure as a Christian and could never measure up to the standards that were expected of me. The question in my mind was, how could it be that we tried to follow a right pathway and then ended up totally isolated from that which we held most dear. This was my mindset for a number of years. When things went wrong, I felt I had to distance myself from God.

One can run so far for so long but we can’t escape what remains inside us. Without going into a lot of detail, it’s sufficient to say that circumstances arose that caused me once again to lean on God and admit that I was hopeless and helpless without Him. To my surprise and joy I found that He was still there for me – stronger than ever. How could this be when I had been following a pathway which seemed to be counter to what I had always been taught in the SDA church. Through this time I still maintained a love and respect for my family and even old friends in the church. I didn’t want to be consumed by bitterness. I believe God was still holding me and caring for me through that time.

I went back to Scripture looking for answers. I endeavoured to read the Scriptures again with an open mind and laying aside any preconceived ideas and concepts that I had been taught. To say that the Scriptures came alive would be an understatement. There was more there than I had been taught by contrived Bible studies. All the written Word became meaningful and filled me with joy. One of the greatest things was that the Lord was giving me insights into my own shortcomings and giving me victories over things that I had never come to terms with. He is still doing this. The psalmist’s words became my experience. “I know you are pleased with me because you haven’t let my enemies triumph over me. You have preserved me because I was honest; you have admitted me forever to your presence.” Ps.41:11,12 TLB There are those who think down of myself and others dear to me. They have no idea how the Lord has blessed us and continues to sustain us: not with great fanfare, but with His quiet presence. As stated earlier in this article, I wish I could say that I have never stumbled and lost the sense of God’s presence. Unfortunately I have often followed my own pathway and grieved the Holy Spirit of God. And have to earnestly seek Him with prayer and tears for forgiveness.

This then is just a little of my background and why, I am presenting this website. I do not present these articles lightly. But I do feel a responsibility to share those things that I have learnt. Often it is with ‘fear and trembling’. I do not have a great grasp of technology but He has given sufficient understanding to be able to do this. He has given me insights that I am impressed to share. As the Psalmist says,  Save me, and I will thank you publicly before the entire congregation, before the largest crowd I can find.  Ps.35:18 TLB The technological era in which we live makes a text like this possible.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *